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Sunday, April 7, 2013

Reason To Hate (03.07.12)

Ironic. Seems I started writing this about a year ago. It seems like there was not much progress in one  year. Not in the right direction anyway. 

March 7, 2012
We were in the middle of a pretty serious discussion and I was not very happy. Then the call dropped at the worst possible moment, time just right it could have been a hangup. I knew that his battery had just died. But being already upset, it's as if I wanted there to be another explanation. It's like I wanted to have a reason to call him a jerk and to hate him for hanging up on me. I quickly realized, as I discarded the message I was already starting to compose, that my reaction was silly. Obviously it was not his fault that his battery died. Right at once, little evil voices took up the bashing. "Why can't he charge his battery properly?". Silly questions that only make sense to someone trying to pick a fight. That's exactly what I caught myself doing - picking a fight. And it made me wonder. How many times do we do that? How many times do our arguments escalate to the point where we are just arguing for the sake of arguing, where we will do or say anything to attack, where all we want is the other party to admit defeat and apologize. How many times have we let our annoyance explode into loathing then vengeance. This time I caught myself on time. There were times when I didn't and I do feel bad when I think about them. Our emotions, our temper are so volatile.

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