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Saturday, July 2, 2011

A rant about people who ask me to help them but refuse any help

Quick note:
I can't help you feel better about anything if you don't want to feel better
You can't expect anything to improve if you categorically refuse any change in life

Do you think that it is your responsibility to keep yourself in good physical health? You know, getting enough sleep, food, exercise, and keeping your environment clean and healthy? I think most people would agree to a yes. Most of us know that physical and mental health go together. People who are positive heal faster, people who suffer from depression also develop physical symptoms affecting their health, etc.

So isn't it obvious that if you want to stay physically healthy, you need to stay mentally healthy too? Of course, once you're clinically depressed, your judgement might be (very) impaired. I know life gets tough and anyone can get depression. I've known many who have. But before you get to that point, seriously, don't we know when we're going downhill? And when we see that trend, why don't we go to the doctor for the mind i.e therapist? Is it the ego? Is it fear of judgement/stigma? Or is it plain ignorance of its importance and its impact on our surrounding?

I recently got myself into a tricky situation with an acquaintance who, for whatever reason, decided to tell me, of all people, that she was suicidal. On the spot, I got really worried and decided to try and be her friend. She sounded serious, so all I wanted was to keep her from doing something stupid. I had met her ONCE before that. I still don't know why she chose me. I sometimes get calls about 5 times a day and at some point, it gets really tiring listening to someone rant about how much everything and everyone sucks. I'm a positive person and so much negativity gives me the itch after a while. It's contageous too. I found myself complaining about having to listen to her complaints. lol.

What's really frustrating is that, at this point, she has no idea how much stress she's causing me. I tried to get her to seek professional help, but she said "I'm not depressed, I just need someone to talk to every few hours". She doesn't realize that, for an entire week, I couldn't focus at work. I spent an entire weekend researching about suicidal people and how to deal with them, trying to understand what's going on in her mind. On top of that, I had to bear with her 2h phone conversations that went in circles. I'm not sure if the worst would be when she'd ask me for advice that she didn't want to hear, or when she'd answer questions I didn't ask. In either case, as much as I talked to her, I couldn't get through. Maybe I'm not a good enough communicator. OR MAYBE I'M JUST NO FREAKIN PSYCHOLOGIST.

I guess what I really want to say is that I felt so helpless. As much as I tried, I couldn't understand her. I promised myself to never give up on life and I don't like quitters. It's hard to relate. It's even harder when it's a stranger. It doesn't help that everybody else just washed their hands clean from the case, leaving me to deal with her for as long as I could bear. I gave her someone to talk to, hoping to talk her into helping herself, but she wants no help. She just wants the easy way out. She just wants everything to end. She just wants a fairy tale or heaven. I'm not sure I believe in any of those options. AND I CAN'T HELP SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO BE HELPED. So if I can't help, what's the point?

The only reason we're "friends" right now is because I felt she needed a friend, and nice as I am, decided to try and be that friend. If she decides to help herself, I will bear with her, and let her talk to me as much as she needs. If not, I'm giving up on her right now, and if she does something stupid, I will not feel sorry at all. "I'm nothing more than who you allow me to be for you" - The Brighter Side Yes. You heard me. I will not fight a battle I can't win, especially if it's causing me so much stress and opportunity cost is high. Time is precious and I have a life I, on the other hand, want to LIVE it fully.

2 comments:

  1. In the future advise unhappy people to start a Happiness Journal. Bad things attach themselves to us with velcro. They stick with you. Good things, must be written down to be remembered. Then review the good things regularly, to see reasons to be happy.

    Help your Psycho friend by bringing a third person (therapist, psychologist; yes, trickery) into the conversation. Let that person take over your part of the conversation, then move on with your life. Short of that, do whatever you can to remove the person from your life. Two unhappy people brings no one happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That is a great idea, thanks for your response :)

    ReplyDelete