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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Recovery of the Entourage - Surgery Adventure Part 7

From the very start, the news about my health condition got my family a level of stress that I could only imagine from my hospital bed. While I entrusted my health and faith in the hands of the experts, my entourage was anxiously waiting for events to unfold. They were perplexed by my lack of concern. Now that I think of it, I realized something that's quite bizarre. Not a single time have I wondered "what if things go wrong?" or considered any other negative outcomes. The only thing I remember being slightly upset about is the idea of having a scar for the rest of my life. But that quickly went away.

I wish I could have taken care of everything by myself but it was physically and practically impossible. Such a big operation is something your surroundings cannot run away from and while I score the biggest physical scar, I don't believe I'm even in the top 10 emotionally impacted. It has been a very trying time mentally for everyone around me and to this day, I can still feel it, 2 months after the surgery.

Fear is an enemy that I've learned to ignore or keep under control. Being an optimist, I'm just happy that everything went well and I'm still alive. From now on I will be healthier than ever. Instead of being a girl with a "broken" heart, I'll be a girl with a scar. For some time. The scar goes away. I'm not physically 100% recovered, I still can do strenuous exercises. But mentally, I'm 100%. I can't wait to resume normal life and achieve everything that I could have missed the chance of doing.

Yet it seems difficult for everyone else to let go of the fear that has overwhelmed them upon hearing that I had to undergo surgery. Instead of being enthusiastic about me getting better, some people get worried sick about the possibility of some sort of relapse. Instead of encouraging me to increase my capacity every day, some would feel safer having me stay home until I'm physically 100%. Luckily, not everyone is like that. As much as I love everyone, I got to the point where I was really irritated every time someone tried to restrain me from doing anything. Their fears have lasted enough. They need to move on and let me move on.

My entourage has been very supportive throughout and continue to be. Sometimes a tiny bit over the top, but that's just how much they care and I appreciate that. It's sometimes hard for us to see eye to eye but we each make efforts to understand each other. Everyone has considerably improved their attitude towards me having a normal life again, although slightly against their will. For that, and everything else, I'm forever grateful.

Hey world, don't be afraid. I'm one tough cookie.

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