Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Rise Again

Oct 5 2010
"Our greatest strength lies not in never falling but in rising every time we fall" - Confucius

I wake up to the sound of raindrops busily flooding the pavements. It's almost sunset. I frantically rub the sides of my arms, feeling cold. I try to find a comfy and warm position in vain. My eyes finally squint open. It's not very bright but my eyes still want to shy away from the light. The back of my eyes feel sore and as I sit up, a familiar throbbing headache makes itself noticed. I press my icy fingers to my forehead for a few seconds, feeling the heat transfer. It momentarily soothes me, but I know it won't last.

I finally drag myself off the couch and pour myself a glass of water. My throat is somewhat sore. The water helps, but its temperature sends chills down my spine. All I want to do is crawl under warm blankets and just hibernate until the weather gets pretty again. I pause for a minute, staring blankly at the water droplets dripping from the roof of a nearby house. I try to catch up with my feelings for a moment and realize that I'm calm. I'm not jovial just yet, but I don't feel like crying either. The drowsiness from my headache and the hurting eye balls are the only remnants of my earlier distress. I sigh.

Things around me look the same but they have definitely felt different lately. There is no way to go back to those bright sunny days so dauntingly engraved in our memories. Some things just don't happen again. But I suppose that some things do, and when they do, they come back even better than we remember them. We think that day will come. There will be a day when things will not be as crazy, when we will finally have summer on any winter day. We will walk to another city, wishing upon trains passing under the bridge. We will be light and carefree again.

My heavy steps climb up to my bedroom, where I quickly snuggle under the cold sheets. The temperature has dropped rapidly and the heating is not on yet. I rub the balls of my feet against the mattress, trying to warm it up before lying down. I pick up the Alchemist, wriggle into a comfortable position, and start from the first chapter.

Every now and then, everyone needs to take some time off the world, retreat into their favourite place with some sort of alchemist as their only companion. After crouching up and holding our heads between our elbows, trying to avoid the nasty shots, we need to open up to the world again, but little by little. Isn't it easier to first open up at our own pace to an imaginary, unknown and non-judgmental alchemist (or its author for that matter)?

I, on my part, feel inclined to believe that the universe will conspire to help us realize our respective personal legends. Together we can do anything. Some might say I'm a dreamer. But one without dreams is one without goals, and that would be sad. There is no charm in believing the best things in life are behind us =)

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